Ok, I just need to rant for a few. Why is it that it is so difficult to find exercise clothing in fat sizes?? I mean, come on!!! Who needs the exercise the most, but people who need larger sizes? I have played softball forever, and I have my first game of the season tonight. While driving home from work last night I decided to stop at a store to buy some warm up pants or crops because it is still a little chilly for shorts. (I have a lot of shorts that I bought last summer, but mind you, but they are MEN's because I couldn't find any in women's sizes that were long enough) But I digress... The largest size I could find anywhere was an XL. Now, I know larger sizes can be found, but usually at a store like Lane Bryant, and they want $20 - $40 for them, and HELLO, if I am exercising I am going to be losing weight, so they won't fit me for very long, and who wants to spend that kind of money for that?!?! Anyways, I ended up not buying anything and digging through my closet and drawers and found an old pair that fits me again that will suffice for now. I am really not that upset, because it will be warm enough for shorts soon anyways. It just all seemed a little ironic to me. I mean, I don't know about you all, but when it comes to me and exercise, any excuse that comes up to NOT exercise can easily side-line my best intentions, and not having something comfortable and half way cute to wear while doing so fits that bill. Oh well... At least I am 80 lbs lighter and the pants I wore last year are huge and baggy instead of tight and squishy! Maybe I could try suspenders, and just pray that they don't fall down while rounding second base. Thanks for letting me rant. Have a great day everyone! :)

I just have to brag a bit. I am currently on my second week of getting up in the morning to exercise! Day six!!! Actually, if you count softball practice and working in my flower beds on Saturday, it is SEVEN days. Well done me! ; ) I am really, really enjoying it. I bought the Turbo Jam DVDs and it is reallt fun. Kind of like Tae Bo, but a little more dancy. I think I am finally over feeling uncoordinated, and in my head, I almost look like the gals on the TV. I record the TV show Starting Over every morning, and usually by the weekend I have taken the time to watch all of the episodes. A couple of the women on the show have weight issues, and one of them who is in the house and is trying to lose weight as one of her goals, kept refusing to get on the scale, and went on and on about how it is "just a number". She ended up getting into it with her life coach, and the life coach basically told her that she wasn't committed, and that her life was never going to change until she could keep commitments WITH HERSELF. For some reason, that really struck me. I can make all of the excuses that I want about why I am where I am physically, but the bottom line is, I don't keep my commitments to myself. Commitments about exercise, eating, sleeping, cleaning, pretty much everything! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with where I am, and I love who I am, BUT I want to be better, I want to be healthy, I don't want the word obese ANYWHERE in ANY physical description of me! At least I am not considered morbidly obese anymore, just obese. :) Who would have ever thought that would bring a smile to my face? Next week I have a "yearly" exam (it has been 3 years since I have been in) with Dr. Bitner. He is the doctor that recommended me for my LapBand surgery. I think that has also been a catalyst in getting my butt in gear, because I know I will have to weigh when I go, and I want it to look as good as possible! : )

Okay, it has been a couple of weeks since I last posted. Here are a couple of things that I want to ramble on about... When will I ever be able to just get up when my alarm goes off in the morning? I guess when I decide to do just that. There are few things in this world that I enjoy more than hitting snooze and curling back up under the blankets and go back to sleep. There isn't anything quite as refreshing as those 5 or 6 nine minute sessions of extra sleep, right?!? I have learned to get ready more quickly to make up for the "snoozing".

Life is pretty good right now. I don't seem to be quite as obsessed with the whole eating thing right now. Not that I am making the best choices, but at least that freakish, obsessed feeling is gone for now. That is a good thing, it makes it feel as if it is something that I can be in control of. Now just if I could quit lying to myself and actually GET UP in the morning and exercise like I tell myself I am going to do every night before going to bed.

Tomorrow I have a fun thing. I bowl on a Unified Team for Special Olympics, and we qualified for state. It is tomorrow. I have been bowling with the Special Olympics for over 10 years. It is such a great thing for me. I really love the opportunity and blessing that it is in my life. These "kids" are so great and loving and just great to be around. Their motto is: "If I can't win, then let me brave in the attempt." Isn't that sweet? I'll just tell you, I wanna WIN, so I can add another medal to my collection. How lame is that?!? : )

Oops! I guess it is just me!

One other thing that I wanted to say is, my goals for this week are: taking my multi-vitamin and calcium everyday and drinking 8, 8 oz. glasses of water everyday! So far, so good. : )

What are your goals?

One week later...
ok, now I am really bugged! I just typed a big long rant about weighing last night and for some reason it didn't actually post it! Now I have to try and remember all of the witty things that I typed the first time around. Anyways, I weighed last night, and I have gained! It just stands to reason that is someone is losing, someone else is finding! I just can't seem to get what my head thinks it wants in synch with what my mouth thinks it wants and what my little stomach will actually hold! I am still going strong on the no ice cream thing, but I am not sure that this deprivation thing is working for me, because it seems like I just find something else to eat instead. At least with ice cream I was getting a little calcium and protein! : )

I am a little bit bummed out, I finally stopped at mom & dad’s last night, and decided to weigh myself. I usually weigh in the morning, but since we weighed at night at the initial weigh-in, I decided I should check it out. Crap, according to the scale, I have gained 3 FREAKING pounds! Whatever! I can’t seem to get a grip on what my head thinks my mouth needs, and although my stomach doesn’t hold very much, there are still some things that I can eat quite easily that are not very healthy choices. However, that said, I am one week out on the “no ice cream” and going strong. I am not sure if the total deprivation thing is good for me or not though, because I seem to have found other things to replace the ice cream. At least with ice cream I was getting a little calcium and protein. : )

I guess it is time for true confessions. I had a chocolate almond concrete from Neilsens last night! BUT, my buy- one-get-one-at-1/2-price card expired yesterday, so I just HAD to use it one more time! BUT, today is the beginning of Lent, and I am giving up ice cream. 40 days ice cream free! No exercise yesterday either. Today is another day!