What's on your list of things to do before you die?

My list is one item shorter now!

Wow! So... Two weeks ago today, on May 10th. I fulfilled one of the "dreams" on my list of things to do before I die. I visited Machu Picchu, the Incan ruins in Peru. Truly one of the most incredible, and profound things I have ever done or seen in my life. I can't really explain it, but it just was. We got up really early so we could see the sunrise, but when we got up there, it was totally fogged in. We were kind of prepared for that, because most of the guide books mentioned that it happens frequently, and to be patient because it always burns off.

It ended up being nearly perfect BECAUSE of the fog. It was as if the mountain was magically revealing herself and the surrounding peaks in a show just for us. Truly, we could only see maybe 20 yards in any direction, and were completely unaware of the majestic peaks that were directly in front of us, but hidden by the clouds. With the passing of time, the fog would lift a little here, revealing an ancient structure to our view. Just enough to whet our appetite and reward our patience. Cameras came out and pictures taken, only to have the fog reclaim the view. Moments later the fog would lift for a peek at a distant peak, again showing off some of her secrets. Over the course of about 2 hours, the fog had pretty much lifted for good and an amazing vista revealed for all to enjoy! We walked around for ages, exploring little rooms, looking out windows and wondering at the wonder of it all. The stone used for these structures is not indigenous to this mountain top, further adding to the mystery of the place.

Some of the girls from our group were determined to climb the sister peak of Wayna Picchu. Which was an ascent of probably 1000 feet. Very steep stone stairs all the way to the top. As we waited in line for our turn to sign in, I was almost sick to my stomach. All those fears and doubts from years and years of being overweight kept creeping into my head telling me I was crazy to try. I even left the line once, deciding that I could not do it, but then I realized I was half a world from home, and that THIS was the very reason I was in Peru, to experience Machu Picchu to the fullest extent, and that if I did NOT at least attempt the climb, I would regret it forever. So off we went! We were at about 8300 feet, so altitude took a little bit of a toll on my ability, but I just kept at it, slow and steady. Walk 10 steps, stop to let my heart beat slow down and catch my breath. It took about an hour and 20 minutes to make it, but I MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN!!!!! A very significant mental AND physical victory for me! And the view... well, it is something that is burned into my memory for the rest of my days! I am an amazing and determined woman, and now I know that I can do ANYTHING! :) Go me, I rock!

One more thing...

Softball season is officially under way! Had my first co-ed game tonight. We lost. BUT, it feels soooo good to just be outside, and movin' this bod of mine.

Just what the doctor ordered...

This morning, on my beastly commute, right around Lagoon, I came upon a totally HOT guy, on a Harley. He caught me smiling at him, and we had a little game of freeway flirting tag. We pretty much stayed next to each other all the way until the 2200 North exit in Salt Lake. Did I mention he had on all leathers?

WOOT WOO!!!!

It totally made my day, just to have that smile to think about during the day today.

Did I mention that I got a dozen red roses for Valentine's day this year? They were given to me by a really nice guy when he took me to lunch, yes, ON Valentine's day! What a difference a couple of months makes. Yes, it was Park City Eric.

Then there is Marty, from Provo. Another VERY nice guy. Almost seems too good to be true. Then there was Troy, (my old kissing friend) who texted me about hooking up on Valentine's evening. AND THEN, there was the very casual text from Erik, all the way from Mexico. Telling me hello and barely making it in under the midnight wire with a Happy Valentine's day.

I think, two years later, I have finally realized that the advice of, "don't put all your eggs into one basket" is very sound advice.

Yea me!

Today was an amazing day! Me, my sister Heidi and niece Indie were able to witness the birth of sister Camille's baby boy, James.

Ok, now it is a day later, and I have had some more time to think about the whole Erik thing actually being over. I am a little more bummed tonight than I was last night. I just can't believe that two years has come down to one three letter text word. Y-E-S. That was his answer when I sent him the following text message last night. "This seems kind of anti climatic. I mean I have known we were over for a while, but just wasn't sure. Ya know?" and that was his response: "Yes." No, thanks for the good times, it's been great! or Hope you find what you are looking for and are happy! Wow! what a trip it has been. Just "yes." DORK! Oh wait, then he sent another that said, "but I still like you, and I think that you still like me, no?" Double-dork! I wonder where I would be right now if I had stuck with our initial break up last May? Because that is what that last text message says to me: I like you, not enough to be with you, but to you keep you as a back-up for when the other things that I have lined up don't work out for me. Actually, I think I am the one who is a dork! :) Live and learn. and move on.

This morning I got up and started to get ready for work. I had even decided what I was going to wear, when all of the sudden, I felt a little light-headed. No big deal, it passed as soon as it had come on. But, it was long enough for me to think of all of the things that I needed to get done at work today, and to convince myself that there wasn't any of it that couldn't be put off 'til tomorrow, and I called in sick (and tired). I then proceeded to sleep in until 11:30! It was fabulous! I felt 110% when I actually got up. I had 101 things that I could have done around my house while I was home today, and I did not do ONE of them. Oh wait, I take that back, I had a sink full of stinky, dirty dishes that I finally did tonight around nine p.m. So, it wasn't a total waste of a day. PLUS, there is a lot to be said for getting some extra rest. I can go back to work tomorrow all ready to face the work week, just like I was planning on doing this morning when I first got up, but now, it is just one day closer to Friday!

Also, I had a little "conversation" with Erik, who is presently in Juarez, MX. He sent me a me a text message, that wasn't really to me, it was to a "friend" named Alissa, asking me about how my business trip was. To my relief, it just made me chuckle. I didn't feel bad at all. I have known things were over for a while now, and had even given myself permission to go on a couple of dates, but still didn't really want to say out loud that things were over until we had at least talked about it. Once he realized what he had done, (which was before I actually forwarded the message back to him, telling him that I thought it was meant for someone else), he had sent me another text apologizing that it was to another "friend". (the one he had stayed with in Cali, just as I had suspected!) I wrote him back and said, "no worries, we all have "friends". He sent me a smile, and then another text saying, "Hopefully yours lives within 50 miles of you" I told him, "Yes, THEY are." Then he asked if I was dating much, so I told him that I had been. He told me that a girl he likes is moving to another part of Mexico. Boo hoo! Anyways. I guess that is that. Two years. Done. Ok, I must admit, that makes me a little sad. No grande finale, just him going to freaking MEXICO to possibly work (El Paso) and live. Where the HELL did that come from? Ah well... maybe he can find a fill doctor whom he can go and bug every other day, (and still not lose any weight) and a nice little chica to settle down with, so she can get her green card, and they will live happily ever after. What did I ever hope to get from him? I am a dork! But he is a bigger dork!

On to better and better things! : ) Starting with dinner on Wednesday with Park City Eric. : ) Spelled with a "c".

Ok, I just need to rant for a few. Why is it that it is so difficult to find exercise clothing in fat sizes?? I mean, come on!!! Who needs the exercise the most, but people who need larger sizes? I have played softball forever, and I have my first game of the season tonight. While driving home from work last night I decided to stop at a store to buy some warm up pants or crops because it is still a little chilly for shorts. (I have a lot of shorts that I bought last summer, but mind you, but they are MEN's because I couldn't find any in women's sizes that were long enough) But I digress... The largest size I could find anywhere was an XL. Now, I know larger sizes can be found, but usually at a store like Lane Bryant, and they want $20 - $40 for them, and HELLO, if I am exercising I am going to be losing weight, so they won't fit me for very long, and who wants to spend that kind of money for that?!?! Anyways, I ended up not buying anything and digging through my closet and drawers and found an old pair that fits me again that will suffice for now. I am really not that upset, because it will be warm enough for shorts soon anyways. It just all seemed a little ironic to me. I mean, I don't know about you all, but when it comes to me and exercise, any excuse that comes up to NOT exercise can easily side-line my best intentions, and not having something comfortable and half way cute to wear while doing so fits that bill. Oh well... At least I am 80 lbs lighter and the pants I wore last year are huge and baggy instead of tight and squishy! Maybe I could try suspenders, and just pray that they don't fall down while rounding second base. Thanks for letting me rant. Have a great day everyone! :)

I just have to brag a bit. I am currently on my second week of getting up in the morning to exercise! Day six!!! Actually, if you count softball practice and working in my flower beds on Saturday, it is SEVEN days. Well done me! ; ) I am really, really enjoying it. I bought the Turbo Jam DVDs and it is reallt fun. Kind of like Tae Bo, but a little more dancy. I think I am finally over feeling uncoordinated, and in my head, I almost look like the gals on the TV. I record the TV show Starting Over every morning, and usually by the weekend I have taken the time to watch all of the episodes. A couple of the women on the show have weight issues, and one of them who is in the house and is trying to lose weight as one of her goals, kept refusing to get on the scale, and went on and on about how it is "just a number". She ended up getting into it with her life coach, and the life coach basically told her that she wasn't committed, and that her life was never going to change until she could keep commitments WITH HERSELF. For some reason, that really struck me. I can make all of the excuses that I want about why I am where I am physically, but the bottom line is, I don't keep my commitments to myself. Commitments about exercise, eating, sleeping, cleaning, pretty much everything! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with where I am, and I love who I am, BUT I want to be better, I want to be healthy, I don't want the word obese ANYWHERE in ANY physical description of me! At least I am not considered morbidly obese anymore, just obese. :) Who would have ever thought that would bring a smile to my face? Next week I have a "yearly" exam (it has been 3 years since I have been in) with Dr. Bitner. He is the doctor that recommended me for my LapBand surgery. I think that has also been a catalyst in getting my butt in gear, because I know I will have to weigh when I go, and I want it to look as good as possible! : )

Okay, it has been a couple of weeks since I last posted. Here are a couple of things that I want to ramble on about... When will I ever be able to just get up when my alarm goes off in the morning? I guess when I decide to do just that. There are few things in this world that I enjoy more than hitting snooze and curling back up under the blankets and go back to sleep. There isn't anything quite as refreshing as those 5 or 6 nine minute sessions of extra sleep, right?!? I have learned to get ready more quickly to make up for the "snoozing".

Life is pretty good right now. I don't seem to be quite as obsessed with the whole eating thing right now. Not that I am making the best choices, but at least that freakish, obsessed feeling is gone for now. That is a good thing, it makes it feel as if it is something that I can be in control of. Now just if I could quit lying to myself and actually GET UP in the morning and exercise like I tell myself I am going to do every night before going to bed.

Tomorrow I have a fun thing. I bowl on a Unified Team for Special Olympics, and we qualified for state. It is tomorrow. I have been bowling with the Special Olympics for over 10 years. It is such a great thing for me. I really love the opportunity and blessing that it is in my life. These "kids" are so great and loving and just great to be around. Their motto is: "If I can't win, then let me brave in the attempt." Isn't that sweet? I'll just tell you, I wanna WIN, so I can add another medal to my collection. How lame is that?!? : )

Oops! I guess it is just me!

One other thing that I wanted to say is, my goals for this week are: taking my multi-vitamin and calcium everyday and drinking 8, 8 oz. glasses of water everyday! So far, so good. : )

What are your goals?

One week later...
ok, now I am really bugged! I just typed a big long rant about weighing last night and for some reason it didn't actually post it! Now I have to try and remember all of the witty things that I typed the first time around. Anyways, I weighed last night, and I have gained! It just stands to reason that is someone is losing, someone else is finding! I just can't seem to get what my head thinks it wants in synch with what my mouth thinks it wants and what my little stomach will actually hold! I am still going strong on the no ice cream thing, but I am not sure that this deprivation thing is working for me, because it seems like I just find something else to eat instead. At least with ice cream I was getting a little calcium and protein! : )

I am a little bit bummed out, I finally stopped at mom & dad’s last night, and decided to weigh myself. I usually weigh in the morning, but since we weighed at night at the initial weigh-in, I decided I should check it out. Crap, according to the scale, I have gained 3 FREAKING pounds! Whatever! I can’t seem to get a grip on what my head thinks my mouth needs, and although my stomach doesn’t hold very much, there are still some things that I can eat quite easily that are not very healthy choices. However, that said, I am one week out on the “no ice cream” and going strong. I am not sure if the total deprivation thing is good for me or not though, because I seem to have found other things to replace the ice cream. At least with ice cream I was getting a little calcium and protein. : )

I guess it is time for true confessions. I had a chocolate almond concrete from Neilsens last night! BUT, my buy- one-get-one-at-1/2-price card expired yesterday, so I just HAD to use it one more time! BUT, today is the beginning of Lent, and I am giving up ice cream. 40 days ice cream free! No exercise yesterday either. Today is another day!